In Sunday school, as a kid, we were taught the commandments. We were taught this one (or two, cuz I was Catholic): you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, and you shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. And we were taught that covet meant "steal."
I don't know why I never bothered to switch my understanding of this until just now. I've been able to properly use the word covet for years. But I still held onto this belief that I was obeying the commandment because I didn't take from anyone else. But I was wrong.
God is now instructing me to not want. This will be a big hurdle for me. It seems impossible. I know there's a lot out of my reach, but I still want. Money, clothing, a house, a husband, status, recognition, friends, control, the list goes on and on. But I can understand how freeing it will be on the other side. I can see how much energy my wanting takes away from my desire to be close to God. And how good of Him to let me know that He can break the cycle, set me free from despair.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Eloquence
But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
-Exodus 4:10-12
This is what it was like on Sunday when I gave my testimony to a couple hundred people. I certainly didn't do it on my own. God told me how to tell His story- the small part that involves me- and he gave me a voice to tell it with. And I managed to get out of the way enough so that it went reasonably well. It was awesome.
-Exodus 4:10-12
This is what it was like on Sunday when I gave my testimony to a couple hundred people. I certainly didn't do it on my own. God told me how to tell His story- the small part that involves me- and he gave me a voice to tell it with. And I managed to get out of the way enough so that it went reasonably well. It was awesome.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Faith
God gives us - or me, anyway - ways in which to be faithful. Which is kind of amazing, when you think about it. God put a difficult decision in front of me, and I wanted to say, "no, I'm scared. I won't decide." But instead I was instructed to have faith, and so I took the leap. And already I can see God's love coming back at me.
I take no credit here. I mean, God told me what to do. He gave me the opportunity to learn how to put all my faith in Him. God doesn't love me more because I did the right thing. But He's still training me, and so He rewards me when I do that right thing. And in this case, the right thing was to trust that He would catch me if I fell. To trust that He is infinitely wiser than me, and had a plan for me even though I couldn't see it.
What's more, God loved me times infinity, forever. I can't even imagine that kind of unconditional love. He's been so patient, so generous, so forgiving, and He'll continue to do so. Forever. Wow. What an awesome, awesome God.
I take no credit here. I mean, God told me what to do. He gave me the opportunity to learn how to put all my faith in Him. God doesn't love me more because I did the right thing. But He's still training me, and so He rewards me when I do that right thing. And in this case, the right thing was to trust that He would catch me if I fell. To trust that He is infinitely wiser than me, and had a plan for me even though I couldn't see it.
What's more, God loved me times infinity, forever. I can't even imagine that kind of unconditional love. He's been so patient, so generous, so forgiving, and He'll continue to do so. Forever. Wow. What an awesome, awesome God.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Fridge
It happened tonight. I opened the fridge door and food fell out onto me and I had trouble figuring out how to get it all back in there.
I have been blessed.
I am going through a hard time with some other stuff right now, but God knows I can handle it, and He has made sure I'm stocked up for when I need to emotionally eat (no, just kidding on that last part). He gives me trials, but He also gives me what I need to get through them.
Starting with an abundance of food.
I have been blessed.
I am going through a hard time with some other stuff right now, but God knows I can handle it, and He has made sure I'm stocked up for when I need to emotionally eat (no, just kidding on that last part). He gives me trials, but He also gives me what I need to get through them.
Starting with an abundance of food.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Secret
I read this book a few years ago called The Secret. Maybe you've heard of it. I read it in about a half hour while sitting in a Barnes & Noble. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. I'm glad I didn't spend any more time on it.
It was a big deal back then. My boss raved about it. People were saying that it was changing their lives. Apparently The Secret is that if there's something you want, you should spend the bulk of your time and energy thinking about that thing, therefore projecting it out into the universe, and if you put enough time and energy into doing nothing in particular about it, that thing will come to you. Magically. Through vibrations or something.
But it only works if you really believe in it.
I tried it, but I didn't really believe in it. So it didn't work for me. Oh darn.
I was thinking about this this morning, kind of randomly. Now, as a Christian, it seems even dumber than it did back then. Why would you rely on anyone or anything other than God for the things you need and want in life? Why do people (including myself, once upon a time) shy away from the idea of a personal God, yet believe that an unfeeling, unthinking, uncaring collection of atoms known as the universe can somehow give you your heart's desires? It's ludicrous, really.
Not only that, it's kind of scary. I remembered back to some of the examples given in the book. Tape a dollar bill to your wall and pencil in six zeros, and ::BAM:: you'll get a million dollars the next year. Pin a picture of Fiji on your bulletin board and suddenly you'll find yourself able to book your dream vacation. In other words, make idols out of the stuff you crave, and it will be delivered to you. Who's it really coming from?
It made me more than a little uneasy, as I tried to steady my hand enough to apply mascara, to think that so many people have fallen for this lie. To think that I also entertained the idea briefly. I mean, I made my list. I'm glad I promptly lost it.
God continues to reveal himself as an ample provider. God is the one we should turn to with our hearts' desires. It doesn't mean that we'll get it all, but what we don't get, we didn't really need. And if we choose only him as the source of the few things we get here on Earth, just think what must await us in Heaven.
I am glad that God is teaching me how to discern truth from lies. I'm glad that He is revealing His secrets to me.
It was a big deal back then. My boss raved about it. People were saying that it was changing their lives. Apparently The Secret is that if there's something you want, you should spend the bulk of your time and energy thinking about that thing, therefore projecting it out into the universe, and if you put enough time and energy into doing nothing in particular about it, that thing will come to you. Magically. Through vibrations or something.
But it only works if you really believe in it.
I tried it, but I didn't really believe in it. So it didn't work for me. Oh darn.
I was thinking about this this morning, kind of randomly. Now, as a Christian, it seems even dumber than it did back then. Why would you rely on anyone or anything other than God for the things you need and want in life? Why do people (including myself, once upon a time) shy away from the idea of a personal God, yet believe that an unfeeling, unthinking, uncaring collection of atoms known as the universe can somehow give you your heart's desires? It's ludicrous, really.
Not only that, it's kind of scary. I remembered back to some of the examples given in the book. Tape a dollar bill to your wall and pencil in six zeros, and ::BAM:: you'll get a million dollars the next year. Pin a picture of Fiji on your bulletin board and suddenly you'll find yourself able to book your dream vacation. In other words, make idols out of the stuff you crave, and it will be delivered to you. Who's it really coming from?
It made me more than a little uneasy, as I tried to steady my hand enough to apply mascara, to think that so many people have fallen for this lie. To think that I also entertained the idea briefly. I mean, I made my list. I'm glad I promptly lost it.
God continues to reveal himself as an ample provider. God is the one we should turn to with our hearts' desires. It doesn't mean that we'll get it all, but what we don't get, we didn't really need. And if we choose only him as the source of the few things we get here on Earth, just think what must await us in Heaven.
I am glad that God is teaching me how to discern truth from lies. I'm glad that He is revealing His secrets to me.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Spare change
I am a shopper. I am in debt, and still I shop. It started in high school, in looking forward to a move away to college, in the collection of sheet sets and bath linens and other grown-up things to lessen the agony of how far away moving day still was. Maybe even before that, in collecting CDs that were to provide my comfort in the darker days of my youth. It worsened in college, as every day I passed by record stores and boutiques and fancy grocery stores in my usual route between classes. I was surrounded by people who had things, and it made me want. It continued in the lean years after college as I drifted between cities and jobs and bought things to cope with feeling so lost.
And most recently, even after finding myself unemployed for half a year, after cutting up the credit cards, I still found ways to justify the collection of things. I don't go to the mall anymore, and when I do, the price tags disgust me. But I'd go to Ross weekly "just to look" and walk away with several bags in hand. Well, my work shoes are falling apart. The house smells kind of funny, so I can justify purchasing a vanilla candle. This sweater? On clearance? I can't pass that up. Or I'd visit the consignment shops. Abercrombie sweater that I wanted last year, but now at 1/3 the price? Yes, please. It seemed okay because I was sacrificing my wishes for new things in order to buy things that I could afford.
But that's not really the point, I've come to discover. While my spending has ebbed, I'm still not being responsible to myself or to those I love (or to those I will someday love), or to my church (as I toss the $5 into the basket instead of the $20). I'm not being honest to anyone, including myself and God. I make excuses for my behavior, and I listen to the whispers in my ear that tell me "It's okay to buy things because things are important." No, they're not.
Things have never made me happy. Why I never realized this before, I can't tell. I look back on experiences I've had, and I can remember feeling artificially good about dressing up in nice clothes, about buying a round for my friends, about getting a better phone than my coworkers; but I still have to lump all those experiences together as the period of time in which I was lost. The B sides to those tapes are songs about being lonely and desperate and heartbroken.
This is how God is changing me. It happens rather gradually because I am stubborn. And I am fortunate that he sticks with me and keeps putting truth in front of my eyes. Jesus says in Matthew 6: 19-21 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I passed over this passage a few times in the last couple weeks while thinking that's not really what I do. I don't really treasure the things I have on earth. But I read over it again and again. And I was really made to see that it was speaking to me.
And so I am changing. And so I am grateful.
And most recently, even after finding myself unemployed for half a year, after cutting up the credit cards, I still found ways to justify the collection of things. I don't go to the mall anymore, and when I do, the price tags disgust me. But I'd go to Ross weekly "just to look" and walk away with several bags in hand. Well, my work shoes are falling apart. The house smells kind of funny, so I can justify purchasing a vanilla candle. This sweater? On clearance? I can't pass that up. Or I'd visit the consignment shops. Abercrombie sweater that I wanted last year, but now at 1/3 the price? Yes, please. It seemed okay because I was sacrificing my wishes for new things in order to buy things that I could afford.
But that's not really the point, I've come to discover. While my spending has ebbed, I'm still not being responsible to myself or to those I love (or to those I will someday love), or to my church (as I toss the $5 into the basket instead of the $20). I'm not being honest to anyone, including myself and God. I make excuses for my behavior, and I listen to the whispers in my ear that tell me "It's okay to buy things because things are important." No, they're not.
Things have never made me happy. Why I never realized this before, I can't tell. I look back on experiences I've had, and I can remember feeling artificially good about dressing up in nice clothes, about buying a round for my friends, about getting a better phone than my coworkers; but I still have to lump all those experiences together as the period of time in which I was lost. The B sides to those tapes are songs about being lonely and desperate and heartbroken.
This is how God is changing me. It happens rather gradually because I am stubborn. And I am fortunate that he sticks with me and keeps putting truth in front of my eyes. Jesus says in Matthew 6: 19-21 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I passed over this passage a few times in the last couple weeks while thinking that's not really what I do. I don't really treasure the things I have on earth. But I read over it again and again. And I was really made to see that it was speaking to me.
And so I am changing. And so I am grateful.
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