Guidelines

In Sunday school, as a kid, we were taught the commandments. We were taught this one (or two, cuz I was Catholic): you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, and you shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. And we were taught that covet meant "steal."

I don't know why I never bothered to switch my understanding of this until just now. I've been able to properly use the word covet for years. But I still held onto this belief that I was obeying the commandment because I didn't take from anyone else. But I was wrong.

God is now instructing me to not want. This will be a big hurdle for me. It seems impossible. I know there's a lot out of my reach, but I still want. Money, clothing, a house, a husband, status, recognition, friends, control, the list goes on and on. But I can understand how freeing it will be on the other side. I can see how much energy my wanting takes away from my desire to be close to God. And how good of Him to let me know that He can break the cycle, set me free from despair.

Eloquence

But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”
-Exodus 4:10-12

This is what it was like on Sunday when I gave my testimony to a couple hundred people. I certainly didn't do it on my own. God told me how to tell His story- the small part that involves me- and he gave me a voice to tell it with. And I managed to get out of the way enough so that it went reasonably well. It was awesome.